


Moonless Field of Red

by The_Evil_Critic_From_Hell



Series: Moon and Shield [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: AU, Angst, Crimson Flower Route, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 12:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20675525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Evil_Critic_From_Hell/pseuds/The_Evil_Critic_From_Hell
Summary: Felix didn't believe in ghosts. Once the dead were gone, they are lost forever.With his blade, he had carved his own path. He slew his father, slaughtered his childhood friends, and put down the boar. None of them came back and whispered hauntingly in his ear. When he had started on this path, he had thought he was freeing himself from the burdens that had been set upon him.But he never imagined he would become the very thing he hated- a monster in a human shell.Lost in an endless stream of slaughters as he wandered the wilderness, Felix never thought this cycle of hatred and death would end, until one day the specter of his darkest nightmare stood before him- Dimitri.





	Moonless Field of Red

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [【翻译/菲力帝弥】没有月光的红色原野](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21668965) by [dear_zaza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dear_zaza/pseuds/dear_zaza)

> So. Here is a thing. Not a good thing. But a thing.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

It was said that there was a monster wandering around Fódlan and that it took the shape of a man.

No one could seem to agree on what the monster looked like, for no one who looked upon the monster's cold eyes survived to tell the tale. Whenever travelers come upon a bloodstain field of the dead with horrified expressions of surprise still frozen on their faces, the whispering tales would reemerge. The monster was fast, and merciless, for its victims had no time to draw their own weapons and were given no chance to escape or plead for their lives. Walk across its path, it was said, and that will be the last you breathe. 

A red field of blood. Twisted, mangled bodies of men and women alike. Their deaths were quick but truly horrible. Sliced apart and left in the dirt like filth. What type of creature could do this? How could it walk on two legs and blend among people? It caused restlessness wherever the whispers went, and darting eyes to see movement in the shadows. Doors were always locked those following nights when the monster was thought to be close, but would it ever be enough? 

There had been times when the Emperor had sent men to investigate, but the mystery could never be solved. By the time anyone would arrive to help, but creature had vanished into the darkness, moving on to terrorize elsewhere in Foldan. 

Where another field of crimson blood would appear. 

***

Felix slept restlessly. He does not remember the last time he has slept well. Perhaps it was the day when he turned his back on the Kingdom and followed his professor and the Emperor. Yes, that must have been it. He had never felt such peace with his decision before that day. It had felt right; he had been cutting his own path, creating his own destiny. He had freed himself from noble expectations, from honorable duties, from the shadow of Glenn... and from the boar. It had been his dream, something he had craved and desired ever since it occurred to him that he did not need to tread the same path with the monster they called the prince. It should have felt liberating. It should have been freeing. To finally rip away the cords that shackled him to the poison of chivalry and to look forward where he was free to be who he should be. 

But then when the professor disappeared on that fateful day...

Felix opened his eyes. The ground was cold and uncomfortable, yet familiar. It's all he has known for years now, ever since Emperor Edelgard finally won her war. He could still remember everything. The smell of burning flesh, the dance of flames, the retched cry of a monster and the sob of an emperor on her knees as she held someone dear to her. It was a day of victory for their army. The Kingdom was gone. The Alliance was gone. And Rhea was gone. 

But it was not that moment that he saw when he fell into restless slumber. When the shadows came about him and lulled his mind to sleep, the first thing he remembered was the rain. It had been cold, and dark, and muddy. It had seeped into his clothes and pressed against his skin, mixing with the blood that stained his body. Corpses were made by his blade, faceless and weak, as he had pressed forward to his prize. It was not a fairytale battle, where the evil dragon was slain and the heroes united in cheer. It was raw, and brutal, and inhuman. 

The boar, the boar would die! That had been his purpose in siding with Edelgard. 

But why? Why did Sylvain have to be there? For all the faceless goons Felix had killed for Edelgard, Sylvain could have been one of them. He should have been one of them. The fool… the fool protected that boar, along with Ingrid and his own father. 

Their faces. He saw them every night. His father upon his back, eyes glassy as blood pooled from the wound inflicted by the bite of Felix’s sword. Ingrid’s body lay twisted upon the cobblestone like a fallen angel, the reddening feathers of her dead pegasus shewn across her chest and arms. Sylvain’s cocky smile twisting in pain as Felix drove his weapon down into his chest, their eyes meeting for one last time as broken promises and the mud became Sylvain’s grave. 

And then…. There was the boar. Of all the faces he remembered, this was the one that returned the most. There it had stood, a king without a throne, a beast without a chain. The piercing sadness in its eyes as it gazed upon Felix. There had been words… terrible words. You killed Rodrigue…Your own father, Felix. It had said this to him, horror and dismay had been in its voice. The beast had sounded heartbroken. As if it had a heart. 

The anger within him had no longer been there when he faced the boar. _I said I’d cut down anyone who stood in my way. Even my father. Even my friends._ To say this words out loud… Why had they stung?

_I see. That was all I needed to hear to finally work up the resolve to kill you._ Pain… There had been pain in the boar’s voice. 

Felix’s heart had sunk, his blade had felt heavy. In a flash he had seen someone he had once held dear before him, the boy he had loved now a man, a man pained by Felix’s own actions… And then, before his convictions could waver anymore, he had stabbed the boar before it could become human again. 

Away. It had gotten away. Felix does not remember how anymore. That part of his dream never came back to him. He remembered boot prints in the mud and a river of blood to follow as he looked about for the boar. He had intended to end it quickly. It suffered now, but where? Where did it….

There, but…. But it was not alone. Felix had paused by a tree, the boar’s blood dripping still from his sword. He should have charged in and completed his mission, his purpose in this war. But he didn’t. He had found that he couldn’t. Holding the boar tenderly as it died had been Dedue, gravely injured himself. Their hands had been clasped together as they shared a final, gentle smile between them. And when the boar had finally closed his eyes, Dedue had leaned forward and kissed his king’s brow before laying down beside him one last time. Their hands had never let go, even in death. 

Leaving Felix standing there, his hand only grasping a cold and hard sword as his reward. 

His father, Ingrid, Sylvain, and the boar… This cycle of nightmares continues again and again every night. The nightmares were relentless, and they haunted Felix since the day he drew his blade against everything he had ever known. Their faces remained etched into the back of his eyes; he saw them every time he closed them. Beady, unblinking, dead… They had to die. They didn’t understand, but they had to die. So why…. Why are they still here with him? 

He will not be haunted... he will not be haunted... He refused to be haunted.

Letting out a breath, Felix sat up from his earthy bed. Leaves were stuck to his clothes and hair, but this did not bother him much. He has been wandering in the wilderness for a long time now. A few dead leaves were not the worst thing he has woken up to. He brushed one off of his arm as he drew his thin legs to his chest. His sword laid by his side, unsheathed and ready for anything as it was every night. It was sharp and clean, but Felix knew it was stained. No matter the polish, no matter the cloth, there was no way to remove the blood that it knew. 

“How pathetic,” he mumbled to himself. It was true. How pathetic. How pathetic he was, unable to wipe those faces from his mind. How pathetic he was, how empty he felt. The emptiness that suddenly filled his entire being the moment the boar drew his last breath had washed over him like a wave. No… No, that wasn’t what he was supposed to feel after finally killing the boar. Where was the relief? The victory? 

And why was there no one strong enough to slay him in return? To end his emptiness? 

Not a single man or woman he slaughtered since could measure up to his skills, could stop him. Was there no one who could? Why wasn’t there anyone? 

“Enough,” he chastised, bringing a hand to his head as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Stop it. There is no point in dragging those corpses around. I do… I do not do that.” 

He believed his own lie. 

He continued to sit there silently in his bed of leaves. He kept his eyes shut as he pressed his lips together, trying to get that echo of his friend’s final cries out of his head as he has done for a long time. It never worked. The woods about him were quiet and still. Nothing living seemed to stick around whenever Felix came about. Even the trees made no noise, as if even the wind had died. The air was crisp, but it felt heavy. It bore down on his small frame, as if everything in the world was suddenly upon his shoulders. Unrelenting. No, it was not sudden. He has not felt light since they died by his hand. 

How long as he lived like this? Honestly, he wasn’t sure anymore. Time had marched on, dragging him in the mud with it. It did not matter if the days felt long and agonizing; the sun always set and the dark would press around him. He had no one, and wanted no one. Everyone he had once cared about he had slaughtered like pigs. In his heart at the time, it had been the right thing to do. His father’s disgusting ideologies bled out into the dirt as they should have… Yes, it belonged to the dust. Sylvain and Ingrid just failed to understand. They were in his way but they should have known… What had gone wrong? 

All this killing he has done since the Emperor united Foldan was endless. It did not stop with the war. He had tried but no matter where he had turned to, he felt hollow. Deep inside of him craved more blood. More… More! It was the only thing left that kept him sane. Distracted him from the pain of those soulless eyes of his friends and father while the sun was in the sky. But the nights brought them crashing back. So he tried again. And again. And again. Cold, hard steel was familiar to his hand, and it stayed that way. 

But he never cried. His tears had dried up when Glenn had died, and when Dimitri had died at Duscur and came back as that… thing. A beast like himself had no reason to bawl like a spoiled child wanting to hold someone’s hand. He would not succumb to such weakness, not when he has worked so hard to be better than that. By now, he has proven himself to be strong. Yes. He may not be able to best Glenn, for one can not fight a corpse, but that mattered not. Surely if he was to fight his brother, he could win. And prote- No, win. 

He gave up protecting long ago. 

Felix rested his head on his knees. He could feel himself starting to drift away slightly, as infant dreams danced in his mind. Vague, fuzzy images, the ones you get when you are on the cusp of sleep but still aware of the world around you. There they were again. His father was holding his chest as blood seeped out of it. Ingrid was falling off her steed. Sylvain was dying in the mud. And the boar… the boar was…

Felix was falling. He could feel himself falling deeper and deeper into sleep. The world about him fell farther and farther away from his conscious as the dreams began bigger and bolder. Louder. More vivid. More bloody. 

**Snap.**

Felix’s eyes snapped open. His muscles tensed as the sudden sound of a breaking twig filled the still world. He has been on the road long enough to know that sound was not natural. No, someone was here. Close by. Coming closer. 

His hand wandered to his sword slowly and coming to a rest on the handle. It was cold and hard, as it always was, ready to bite into flesh and drink crimson blood. 

Who dared to disturb his restless slumber?

**Crack, snap snap, rustle.**

It was the sound of heavy boots, unafraid of the danger that lurked around the corner. Of the monster ready to kill. How foolish this idiot was, whoever it may be, to walk so carefree in these woods. Most sensible people did not come about areas where Felix had just finished a slaughter for they feared they would be next. Whoever dared to tread here must have missed the news that a beast had arrived. Was it a bandit? A soldier who flew the wrong colors? Or, perhaps, a villager of a nearby village with a vendetta? 

It did not matter. If they are an enemy, they will die where they stand. 

Then he froze. For a voice had called out from the brush, clear and familiar. It was a voice he only heard in his head, screaming and vile, since that fateful day he finally accomplished his goal. He was so taken back by this voice that he was unable to grasp his sword properly. 

“Hello? Is someone there?”

_Dreaming. I am still dreaming_, thought the swordsman on the ground as a walking dead man arrived. 

***

"I cannot believe it. Felix, is that you?" said the soft and gentle voice of Dimitri as he came into view. "To think that I would find you alive and well here..." A warm expression was on his pale face. "I suppose I should not be surprised to see that you survived, Felix. You were always strong. Still, this is surprise to see you so far out from civilization.” 

Deep within his chest, Felix's heart beat hard as he stared up at Dimitri. He looked so... different. The last time Felix had seen Dimitri, he had been a monster masquerading as a human. He had worn armor of black, with a cape of fur and wild unkept hair that was only befitting of a beast, commanding an army to their deaths like the loyal pets they were. Yet standing before him now was a Dimitri that Felix did not recognize. He wore an eyepatch over his right eye. His hair was brushed and pulled back to show off a kingly face. He wore no armor, only a simple linen shirt and cotton trousers. And that hunger in his eyes, lusting for revenge and blood.... It was gone. Instead, only a sea of clear blue peered at him, serene and beautiful. Human.

What was this? What was going on? His nightmares never showed him such a Dimitri before, and have never felt so real. No, he knew it wasn't real, no matter what his senses thought they knew. He was not so weak as to drag gravestones around his neck. He would not be haunted. He refused to be haunted. This vision was nothing more than exhaustion getting the better of him. He will not let this vulnerability get the best of him. No matter what his eyes told him, there was no Dimitri left in this world, and certainly not one that looked so human. Not that Felix had any right to hold that over his head though... As if he himself was now any better.

As first, he could only stare that this… stranger. This Dimitri that looked so peaceful. Then, his lips twisted in a snarl. 

"Y-you... What are you doing here, boar?!" he spat. Anger filled his chest. Was there to be no respite from this curse, this nightmare? What kind of a dream was this? He was unsure of what to think or what to feel or how to act. He has never been in this situation before. It felt alien and uncomfortable. Because all his dreams before had been on repeat. The same scene over and over again. A crawling beast, a river of blood, a vassal and king clutching each other in their dying moments. 

But this was new. Never before had he actually held a conversation with his nightmare before. Did he fall asleep on his knees so deeply that it warped his senses? 

"Boar?" Dimitri looked a bit taken aback by the epithet. He stared down at Felix, a whirlwind of emotions dancing on his face, before a sad smile tugged at his lips. "Ah. I have not been called that by you in a long time. Though I cannot say I had almost forgotten. Rather, I supposed I would just never hear it again.”

His fingers curled around his sword as Felix took the chance to stand up from his leafy bed, staring the specter up and down with a snarl. His heart beat loudly still. "This isn't real. I know it isn't real. There's no way a filthy cur like you can be here. I-"

"I know Edelgard won the war..." Dimitri interrupted suddenly as he closed his eye, bowing his head. "Then.... I have died here."

Felix's expression softened a bit as guilt gripped at his entire being. Did... the boar not remember? Night after night, the beast screamed at him in his dreams, so why is it different now? Why was he not dripping with blood, cursing Felix to hell for murdering him? Then, he felt his hand tighten into a fist as he sheathed his blade. There was no point to have a weapon pointed at a dream. "That's right. You are dead. So, go away. I refuse to be haunted. The dead don't talk, so why don't you go back into the ground where you belong?" It felt strange, talking with the boar. Not just because it was a dead man, but because Felix hasn’t had a proper conversation with anyone in a long time. Even if it was a conversation entirely in his head. 

"What?" the boar's eye snapped back open, blue and ethereal. "Wait, Felix, there is something that I think you should-"

"I've already told you, I have no interest in listening to you!" growled Felix, his expression wild and angry. "Do not pretend that you are happy to see me, or have any desire to speak like a human to me. You are nothing now." This dream was so different than before. Where was that vile, spiteful Dimitri from his fitful slumbers? The one that screamed at him for killing his father, his friends, and himself? That one crawled on the ground on all fours, sputtering and frothing at the mouth as blood dripped from his chest and lips. It had been barely alive anymore, just the last of a monstrous will that tugged at the strings of a human marionette. But who was this Dimitri? Why did his mind make him up in this way? 

"I... I see," the boar sounded so human with that dejection in his voice. Silence fell between them, but the specter did not move or fade from sight. Felix waited impatiently for the boar to slip away so that he may eventually wake up from this dream, this dream that felt all too real. It seemed as if he could just reach out and touch him...

Then the specter broke the silence again. "I know you do not want to listen to me, Felix, and I will not make you. But, I do have one request. Could you hear me out?"

Felix at first said nothing. He folded his arms across his chest as he cast his eyes downward, away from the boar in irritation. Of course, irritation... That is what he must be feeling towards this fake reality. 

Despite himself, he gave an answer. "Fine. What is it? Speak quickly, boar king." Even if this was all just in his head, since the specter was not going away there was no point in ignoring him either. 

He caught Dimitri's smile and his nose scrunched in annoyance at such a human expression. "Thank you," said the boar, his voice still as gentle as when he first arrived. "I'm looking for a special place around here. Could you... come with me?"

Felix's eyebrows furrowed together. "... What?"

The boar continued, "I am sure I am walking in the right direction, but... Well, I wouldn't mind the company." Dimitri bit his bottom lip slightly. "The truth is I am feeling a bit nervous. I haven’t been on my own for this long for some time now. I suppose it is unsightly of me to admit I still fear the shadows, to face them alone. And yet, it is the truth.”

The swordsman clicked his tongue at the boar’s words. “So, even now, you cannot let go. Just as I thought. You are still a monster.” Of course he was. He may be clean and washed, and with a clearness in his eye. But that was all a ruse. It had to be. Even his mind could not properly make a un-boarish Dimitri. 

“A-ah….” Dimitri’s hand reached up to rub his own shoulder as he looked forlorn. Now it was his turn to look away. “I… I used to think so too. But recently, I thought… I thought maybe, with those I love by my side, I could be something more again.”

“Weak. Pathetic.”

“… Yes.” Dimitri whispered as he let out a breath. “Yes, I am. That is why… I would appreciate if you came with me. At least to my destination.”

There was a pause between them. “It should not be much farther from here. A ten minute walk, maybe twenty,” Dimitri added at length. He looked a bit hopeful since Felix had not yet outright refused his request yet. 

There stood the specter, gentle and calm, wearing simple clothes and without a weapon by his side. He was tall and grand and even kingly despite his attire, but to Felix, he looked small and lost. The hatred that festered somewhere in that black heart was nowhere to be seen. This ghost looked like Dimitri, the one from all those years ago before the boar took his place. But Felix would not be fooled. He couldn't be fooled. It had to be there, or else what he did on that battlefield....

"... Fine. I'll go with you." His tone was venomous and harsh to hide the growing tremor in the back of his throat. 

Dimitri brightened visibly. "Thank yo-"

"Don't be fooled, boar. This isn't a kindness, so save your thanks for someone who cares." No, it wasn't kindness at all. Felix was not helping anything because Dimitri was dead. This was just a whim... Yes, a whim, nothing more. To satisfy this strange dream, to see where it led. 

"Ah. Of course." But Dimitri still held his smile. "I'll lead the way." As he said this he reached for Felix. Panic suddenly rose from within Felix as he jerked back, spitting and sputtering.

"Don't touch me, boar. I do not want to touch a dead man." he snapped. The ghost immediately withdrew his arm.

"Forgive m-"

"And stop talking. The dead don't talk, so stop trying. Just.... Just start walking."

The specter just gave a slight nod before beginning his original trek through the woods. The soft crunch of leaves and twigs beneath Dimitri's boots made Felix uncomfortable. He sounded heavy and corporeal. If he had let the boar touch him, even just a little... what would he have felt? Warmth? Softness? 

_No, you fool. Nothing. You would have felt nothing. He's not there. He's not there._

As they walked in silence, a flurry of thoughts raced through the swordsman's head. Why was he doing this? Why was he entertaining this vision? There was nothing there. This was a dream. It was all a trick of the mind. He wasn't really walking through the woods with the man he killed. He was lying in his bed of leaves, alone and empty, to prepare for another day of slaughter. Because that's all he was good for now. For killing and waiting to be killed. 

Why wasn't anything strong enough to end him though? 

It was then Felix realized that Dimitri was looking at him over his shoulder, inquisitive and waiting. 

"What?" he growled.

" I had asked about this world she created... Tell me, is it a happy one?" 

A… happy one? This world? Did he mean Edelgard and her vision for Foldan? Like hell if he knew. He slipped away soon after Rhea had been slain. He had rejected his title and wandered into the unknown, to eventually die by living by the sword. He cared not anymore what happened to the country. They could all die for all he cared. All of them. The Felix before the war maybe would have cared. In fact, he would have. He had cared too damn much, wanting to be strong enough to protect everything and everyone he cared about. But now? No. That Felix was long dead. 

“Hmph. As if you care. What does her world have to do with you? You are dead. You do not care,” was instead his answer. 

“Oh,” was all Dimitri could reply. There was more silence between them before Dimitri broke it once more. 

"…. And what about Sylvain and Ingrid. Have they survived as well? And Dedue... Is he...?"

Their faces flashed in Felix's mind at the mention of his old friends. No one has said their names out loud in a long time, for they were left to rot in fields without ceremony or memory. They were dirt now. Dirt and decay. And pale, twisted faces of horror and pain deep within Felix. Faceless soldiers to everyone except him. And disgust swelled in his chest. How dare this specter mention them! How dare he? How dare he remind him so openly when he has already spent all this time trying to forget?! 

His fingers twitched towards the hilt of his blade. He should just slay the beast again, here and now, and rid himself of this image of the past. But, he paused. To do so would admit to himself that he thought all of this was real. To try to kill something that was already dead was foolish. Ridiculous, no matter what the thing said. 

He turned his head away instead. For some reason, as he answered the boar, he couldn't bring himself to look at him. Even knowing this was fake, something was heavy in his heart. "... No, they are not." He should just tell him that he killed all of them. So, why wasn't he? He was pissed that Dimitri didn't seem to remember his own murder, so why was he suddenly scared to tell him? 

A small breath escaped Dimitri's chest as he glanced down towards the earth. "I see. Felix... I'm sorry."

More pain erupted from within. "Don't say that. Those words mean nothing."

"...Heh," despite the sadness that he still wore, Dimitri smiled gently. "Even here, you are the same. You are right, of course. They are just words. But, they are all I have to offer now to you." 

"Shut up... Just shut up."

"Felix-"

"Stop talking!" Felix roared. Both men paused at the outburst; Dimitri surprised by Felix's raised voice, and Felix surprised by the same. Shit... Shit! Why did his chest hurt so much? Why did he feel so out of control suddenly? Felix raised a hand to his head and scrunched his eyes shut. 

"... Just stop. Stop being nice when you do not mean it." 

Dimitri stopped in his tracks and turned to face Felix properly now. No longer hearing movement, Felix let himself look up at the boar, those painful feelings still within him. He had been resolute on the battlefield. He had completed his purpose. He had killed the beast. So why, now facing him in this fevered dream... Why was he feeling this way? This... This... This guilt. This sorrow. And yet... This subtle happiness to see the boar looking this way? And the pain to see him looking so happily towards him. He didn't deserve... He didn't deserve this gentleness from Dimitri.... 

No! This wasn't Dimitri! Dimitri DIED. He died long ago in Duscur and then his corpse died in battle! He must not be fooled. Stop it... Stop it.... Why was his mind creating such a Dimitri? Why did he torture himself like this? 

"But I do mean it," Dimitri was saying, breaking through Felix's thoughts. "You are important to me. I suspect, perhaps, more than you know." 

So... This is what his nightmare has become. A warped version of Dimitri that never existed. Ridiculous. There was no world, no version of Dimitri that cared for Felix, especially a murderer like himself. Dimitri had only cared about the dead, about killing. 

Felix almost wanted to laugh out loud. He knew that he himself was no better than the boar anymore. The lives he had laid wasted, the endless desire to mow down his enemies day after day. Were these the words that he has been longing to hear, from the lips of a dead man? Is that why he has been so empty? How wicked his mind was, to make up a Dimitri so human, to speak words he maybe wanted to hear but did not deserve. But Dimitri cursed him the day Felix slaughtered him. And his curse must have worked, or else why would Felix be suffering even now? Was there no rest? No feeling for victory to be had after cutting himself free from the chains that bound him to his past? 

But these kind words Dimitri spoke…. Felix wanted to hear more. He wanted.... He wanted the past back. To go back and be something with Dimitri and the others that he deprived himself of. Is that why… he made this Dimitri up? Because he wanted…. To hold their warm hands once more? 

He refused to be haunted. He refused to be... haunted...

"Oh!" Dimitri's clear voice rang out and startled Felix. The boar had spotted something through the trees, and a look of delight was suddenly spreading across his face. "There! We are close!" And with that he bounded through the remaining thicket, pushing past the low-hanging branches with a rustle. 

The hell? Blinking away his confusion, Felix composed himself and quickly followed Dimitri. He could not help himself. Although he could not openly admit it to himself, he did not want to let him out of his sight. Not yet. He hated this dream, but he could not simply let go now. Despite himself, he wanted to hear more... More from the man he killed. 

What else did he want to hear? He pondered this as he pushed past the trees to follow the boar. What else was there? Did he want comfort? An admission of his sins? Or... forgiveness? As the thought floated into his mind, he found himself suddenly standing at the edge of a field, and his breath was caught in this throat. 

It was a field of red. A field of crimson flowers. It was like a bloody sea, swaying gently in a new breeze that felt fresh. Crouching among them was the boar, his golden hair standing out from among the red. It reminded Felix of the battlefields, drowning in rivers of blood and limps. Or of the fields he left behind recently, where his enemies laid dead. But there were no bodies here. Only the specter of his past.

Only Dimitri. 

"There's no moon tonight," Dimitri said softly while he sat there. "But the stars are bright.” Then, seeing that Felix had caught up, Dimitri gave him a large smile as he stood, a few of those strange, red flowers in his hands. They were beautiful, with long thin petals that stretched in all directions. The boar beckoned him closer with a wave of his hand. "Look! Ashe was telling me about this flowers, but I never seen them outside of books before." 

The swordsman proceeded cautiously, stepping on some of the flowers as he made his way to the boar. Words were stuck in his throat. He felt his hands quiver. No matter how much he looked at him, Dimitri simply looked human. 

Haunting him. 

"Ashe called them Red Spider Lilies," Dimitri was saying as Felix approached, twirling one between his fingers. It spun and danced hypnotically. "Apparently, they are associated with death." 

Felix flinched. "What? Why are you telling me that?"

"I do not know. Perhaps because, well..." Dimitri smiled down at the flower. "These are so beautiful. But deadly. The bulbs are supposed to be very poisonous. To think such a flower could kill... Well, perhaps something so lovely is growing on my grave."

There was no grave. Felix stared at the flower as Dimitri let it go to fall to the earth. "Well, I should not waste any more time. I did not come to sight see, after all."

The swordsman felt cold. "Then why are you here?" To hurt him? To torture him? To... to forgive him? 

"To get back home."

Home? Felix's gaze went straight up into Dimitri's eye. "What does that mean?"

And then suddenly, without warning, Dimitri swept up Felix's hands within his own. The swordsman had no time to react, but he felt that he couldn't. He was locked into that stare as he felt the softness and warmth envelope his fingers. It was solid, and tangible. He could feel a pulse as blood pumped through this specter's body. "I know it must have been a shock to see me," Dimitri was saying gently. He gave Felix's hands a small squeeze. "I'm dead here. That must have been hard to deal with. I am sorry that I left you behind all alone." 

Felix was frozen in place. The boa- Dimitri's hands. They are... they are here. He could feel them. They were study and safe and tender. And real. No... No...

"I love you."

Dimitri spoke those words so calmly, so sweetly. But they hit Felix like a knife to his heart. They were sharp and painful as they twisted in his mind, echoing over and over again as he tried to fathom what this king was saying. 

But Dimitri was still talking, his voice barely reaching Felix now. "I am not sure if I ever got to tell you in this world before my death. But I am sure that the me here loved you too, Felix. You, who stayed by my side even when I did not deserve your attention or friendship. My beloved, who believed that even a wretch like me could be saved even when others doubted. You never gave up on me, even when you probably should have." He brought Felix's hand up and kissed it gently. "I am sure the me here appreciated you by his side every step of the way. And is probably glad you did not die for him."

The image of Dedue holding a dying Dimitri filled his thoughts once more, their hands clasped together in their final moments as Felix watched with cold, hard steel in his own. His mouth felt dry. His head felt light. Hatred swelled within his chest. But not for Dimitri.

For himself. 

“Dimitri…” he had not said that name out loud in so long. It hurt… This hurts. He was warm. Dimitri was warm, and alive, and in front of him. Being kind, and gentle… and proclaiming his love. But this was not right. Felix did not deserve this. No, he was a monster. He had… he had to tell him. He did not want to, but Dimitri needed to know what he had done. Maybe… Maybe then, Dimitri could work up that resolve to kill him like he had done on that battlefield so long ago. End his emptiness, his sadness. “I….”

Suddenly, there was soft glow behind them. Both of them paused and turned to look. Dimitri’s smile grew. “Ah. There it is.” He kissed Felix’s hand once more. “This is where I depart for my own world now. I stumbled into this one by mistake. But I’m glad I did, Felix. I hope I hope you can continue to live. And continue to be strong, as you always have been.”

Felix’s heart raced. “W-what?”

“I’m going home.” And suddenly, the warmth of Dimitri’s hands vanished as he let go and turned towards the light. “I have people waiting for me.” With that, he walked away from Felix. Felix could only stand there and watch, words lost in his throat, as Dimitri stepped up to that strange glow. He saw the man pause, then turn slightly to give him one last smile, before stepping into the light. As he did, Felix could see figures appear briefly. 

Sylvain was flinging an arm around Dimitri, letting out a hearty laugh. There was Ingrid, running to Dimitri’s side looking relieved, before turning to yell at Sylvain. And…

Himself. There was himself. His sword by his side as he approached the king. The other Felix looked irritated, saying something to Dimitri, before Dimitri pulled him into a warm embrace. Felix could only watch as the other Felix hugged him in return. Then, they leaned into each other, their lips closing in…

And the light vanished. Leaving Felix all alone in that crimson field of flowers. 

Felix fell to his knees. The flowers below him were crushed as he slammed his hands into the ground. What… What was that?! He had seen a Felix that he did not recognize. A Felix that embraced Dimitri… And loved him. 

Loved him.

A single tear welled in his eye. He didn’t even know he could still cry. But there it was… cold and wet.

That could… that could have been him. That could have been his future, had he not… had he not… killed…. 

The tear fell into the dirt. 

His eyes hovered over one of the flowers. Dimitri had said… they were poisonous… If no one could strike him down and end his pain, then maybe…. 

He plucked one. It was cool to the touch. Bright red. His hand shook as he brought it up to his lips…. Before dropping it and curling in on himself. He couldn’t do it. He wasn’t strong. 

He did not cry more, but a tearless sob tore out of his throat. "D-dimitri….I... I was strong enough to defeat you... but not strong enough to save you. What… what have I…."

***

Felix awoke with a start in his leafy bed. Cold sweat ran down his face as he panted, trying to catch his breath.

There was no field of flowers. No magic glowing gate. No Dimitri. 

Felix turned to his side, curled in a fetal position. What… what had happened? A dream… It must have been a dream. It had felt so real, though. He could have sworn he held Dimitri’s hands, and felt Dimitri’s lips. Heard his gentle voice, full of love…. 

He closed his eyes. “… Dimitri… Do not haunt me…” 

He could not see the crushed red petals underneath his shoes. 

There was no moon that night.


End file.
